


The Heart's Winter (The Soul's Spring)

by Blackbean



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Freddie is dead but still very much part of this story, I'll probably do some flash back, I'm Sorry, M/M, Making Up, Mentions of Freddie death, Other, dealing with character death, except freddie is dead, get ready for agnst, poly!Queen, present day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-10-24 20:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20712047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackbean/pseuds/Blackbean
Summary: A long time ago the four of them had decided what season each of them were. Roger was autumn, bright and firey, but with the promise of warm cuddles and spiced apple cider. John was winter; cold an impenetrable to outsiders: a dark lone pine tree standing in a winter wind. But when you knew him, a crackling fire of passion, burned in his heart; filled with the joy of the holiday season. Freddie was spring, no doubt of that. Bright and cheerful, the dawn of life. His favorite color was yellow after all. He was the man who could melt the coldest winter. Brian was summer; the breeze of leaves in a warm wind; the bright sun; the clear cool of a secret stream.





	1. @genericEmail.com

**Author's Note:**

> I mean no disrespect to anyone mentioned and/or appearing in this work of fiction. I especially respect John Deacon's privacy and do not participate or condone any actions made in an effort to breach that privacy. This is merely fiction; a "what if" circumstance. Thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, exactly what I needed to do. Yet another fic to work on.

**From: JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

**To: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

I finally watched it. WTF did you mean ‘dull as Deaky’? You know full as I that’s full of shit. OK, movie. But I prefer heists, especially ones were I have more lines. (I don’t blame the boys, tho, just you and Bri.)

**From: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

**To: JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

Still the same potty mouth. We didn’t want to, as they say, ‘spill the tea’ about all your...prolific-ness.

**JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

**To: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

You’re one to talk about ‘potty mouths’. I still don’t fucking need you and Bri to protect me.

**From: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

**To: JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

Love u 2, Deaks.

**From JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

**To: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

Meet at Mod Coffee in London on 9/23/19. Bring Bri. <3

**From: RMTaylor@genericEmail.com**

**To: JDeaky@genericEmail.com**

**👍 **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much, btw. Sorry if that's aggressive, but I don't care.


	2. Laughter Ringing In The Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee

It was a wet, dreary afternoon, when John showed up at the Mod Coffee Shop in London. Perhaps it was a reflection of what the retired bassist was feeling.  _ Perhaps _ . Brian and Roger were already there; he could see them through the rain-spattered window. John felt his heart clench as Roger’s hand rested lightly on Brian’s forearm. It was a natural, friendly gesture, yet still it yanked on John’s heartstrings. He missed them so much. 

Once inside the cafe, John moved steadily toward the two musicians, who were sitting in a quiet corner. They looked up as he approached. Both smiled warmly. John returned the greeting, although he could feel that his was forced. Roger motioned to the other side of the table, and John sat down automatically. 

“Hey Brian. Roger.” His voice was quiet, but all the same Roger and Brain felt a surge of affection for their dear friend (and former lover); They missed his voice. The waitress came up, and as she took John’s coffee order, Brian surveyed the younger man.  _ Younger, _ Brian almost chuckled (or was it sobbed?), as he took a sip of his steaming coffee,  _ Already 68. Deaky what happened to us? _ The former bassist looked older, of course, but also sadder; as if a great weight had settled upon the once slender shoulders. Hair grey and thinning. In the past few years, he had lost weight. Now he looked slim and tired. Freddie’s death had taken a toll on John; and it was visible to this day. Brian felt a pang of guilt. Yes, they let John leave the band, and that was good and right of them.  _ But why on earth did we let him leave our lives?  _

In a few minutes, John was stirring cream into his fresh coffee.

“So you watched it?” Asked Roger, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen.

John smiled tightly in affirmation.

“What did you think?” Brian awaited John’s answer with baited breath.

John shrugged, clinking his spoon on the edge of his mug.

“Ah, Cinematography was great. And of course the music, y’know.” John almost grinned. “I thought the actors did wonderfully, y’know, with what the were given. Young Mazzello got my accent down. I just-well, ah…” John trailed off.

“What?” Roger asked softly.

“I just- ah- thought it made us look like saints, and well- with the script and writing, y’know, it didn’t make Freddie look good.” John held his breath.  _ There I said it. _

Brian pursed his lips, nodding slightly.

“I get it Deaky. I do. But there’s a saying, isn’t there, Rog?”

Roger nodded. “There’s three movies. The one that’s written. The one that’s shot. And the one that’s left after editing.”

Brian squeezed Roger’s hand. He didn’t notice John’s quick glance at their entwined fingers.

“Exactly.The original script and shots, were all really good. But with editing, a bit of the character development was taken away. Unfortunately it was some important stuff.”

John nodded.

“I know. I don’t blame you guys, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Roger and Brian chorused.

For the next couple hours, the three grey-haired musicians talked. It was pleasant. Nothing too stressful. They showed John pictures from the tour. As well as a couple of memes (courtesy of Brian). They laughed a little too. It had been awhile since all three had laughed together; Brian couldn’t even nail down that last time they had laughed  _ together _ . 

“Well, I guess I should get going.” John said, getting up and glancing around at the dark outside. The coffee shop was nearly closed. Roger and Brian glanced at each other, getting up as well.

“Come home with us, Deaky.” Roger said. John just looked at them for a moment, searching their faces. He looked questioningly at Brian.

“Please.” Brian answered the unasked question.

“Alright.”


	3. Hand in Hand Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk in the garden.

The rain had stopped earlier, and now most of the ground was dry. A faint tinge of moisture was in the air, the scent of fall of rain. Roger drove them back to his place. John was silent most of the drive; merely looking out the back window at the darkness drifting down across the quiet stillness of the countryside. Brian craned his neck to get a good look at his dear friend and lover.  _ First day of fall _ , thought Brian. A long time ago the four of them had decided what season each of them were. Roger was autumn, bright and firey, but with the promise of warm cuddles and spiced apple cider. John was winter; cold an impenetrable to outsiders: the dark lone pine trees standing in a winter wind. But when you knew him, a crackling fire of passion, burned in his heart; filled with the joy of the holiday season. Freddie was spring, no doubt of that. Bright and cheerful, the dawn of life. His favorite color was yellow after all. The man who could melt the coldest winter. Brian was summer; the breeze of leaves in a warm breeze; the bright sun; the clear cool of a hidden stream. Freddie had been the first one John had fallen in love with; the one who John opened up to at first.  _ The spring that melted the winter… _

When they got out of the car at Roger’s house, the air was unusually warm for fall; pleasant but with the slight cool of night. 

“Do you want to walk a bit, Deaky?” Asked Roger, seeing the way that John glanced around at the garden.

“That would be great, Rog.”

The three of them walked hand in hand together, John in the middle. The moon was just after the third quarter, not spreading much light, but out in the countryside the stars shone brighter. Silvery starlight danced across the raindrops upon the flowers. They made their way to the back garden, behind Roger’s house. There in the center of the garden, impressive in the starlight, stood the statue of Freddie that Roger had stolen. To John, it almost felt as though they were all there. The four figures stood still as stone, facing the stars. John felt Brian move closer to him, arms wrapping around his thin torso. He didn’t shrug them off this time. Instead he let himself lean into the embrace. He could feel Roger close, hugging him as well. John looked up at Brian, and let their lips close together. Brian’s lips felt warm and familiar. The kiss was almost chaste, just an embrace between friends. Almost. Not quite. There was something else there as well. John felt himself relax into the taller man, clinging on for dear life. Roger pressed a soft kiss to the back of his neck, encircling both John and Brian in his arms. At last, John drew back from the kiss, but he stayed close; looking up at Brian.

“I love you both so much.” He breathed.

“We love you too.” They both respond, sincerely, almost in unison.

John could feel the tears coming. He buried his head in Brian’s chest. Deep sobs racking his body.

“I’m sorry. Bri, Rog, I’m so sorry.”

Brian and Roger just hugged him closer.


	4. It's Been a Long Cold Lonely Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of for poly!week, but I didn't have anything for Tuesday so I'm updating this.

_ Freddie leant over him pressing a soft kiss on his lips. John returned the kiss and then smiled at his lover. The sun skittered across Freddie’s hair, catching in the loose waves that fell around his cheeks. John could feel Brian and Roger close; even hear their breath.  _

_ “I love you, Freddie. So much.” John whispered tenderly. _

_ Freddie grinned _

_ “I love  _ you _ , darling.” Murmured Freddie. “I always will.” _

_ He sealed the promise with a kiss. _

John woke from his dream. For an instant he panicked, not recognizing his surroundings. Then he felt Roger and Brain in the bed next to him, and he mentally sighed. They probably should have waited and talked, but he had wanted them- no -needed them. To feel skin against skin. To bask with his lovers in waves of pleasure. To hear their soft moans, and mutter curses. To feel their bodies pressing close. Brian and Roger were fast asleep next to him. Their soft breathing was like music to his ears. John let his finger play across his neck, caressing the gentle marks Brian and Roger had left on his skin. He missed this; he missed them; he missed Freddie. Inwardly he vowed to keep better contract with Brian and Roger. 

Beside John, Roger stirred, sitting up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes focusing on John. He smiled and pressed a sloppy kiss in John’s cheek. 

“Good morning, Deaks.” 

“Hey, Rog.”

__________________________________   
In roughly half an hour, the three of them sat around Roger’s kitchen table drinking tea. Brian flipped aimlessly through a magazine. 

“Do you think you want to meet them sometime?” Asked Roger. Brian and John looked up.

“Who?”

“The Borhap boys.”

John shifted uncomfortably, frowning. 

“Do you think they actually want to meet me?”

“Of course!” Brian and Roger were quick to say.

“I know that Joe for one would very much like to meet you.” Said Brian. “And Rami, Gwil, and Ben would too.”

John hummed in contemplation.

“When would be a good time?” He asked.

Roger and Brian looked at eachother. They were close to convincing him.

“Next week. Rami is visiting Lucy in London, and Joe is doing some stuff here as well.”

“Well, I suppose. Just not in public, OK?”

Brian and Roger nodded.    
  
“Yeah, of course.”

“I’ll get scheduling that.”

John went back to stirring his tea. Brian and Roger looked at eachother, grinning. They knew Joe would completely lose it when he found out. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The borhap boys

**The Band: ** Members: Joe Mazzello (Mozilla Fox), Gwilym Lee (Gwil), Rami Malek (RM), Ben Hardy (Hardy-Har-Har)

**Mozilla Fox:** Um!11? Guys, Brian just called me and said that JOHN DEACON WANTS TO MEET USSSSS!?!?!<!?

**RM: ** NO FUCKING WAY!!!! How come he told you first?

**Mozilla Fox: ** Maybe cause, idk, I played him?!

**Hardy-Har-Har: ** wtf. When?

**Mozilla Fox: ** idk, he said that we’d figure out the schedules.

**RM: ** Where’s Gwil? He’s usually pretty fast respond.

**Mozilla Fox:** Wait a sec, lemme call him.

______________________________

Joe dialled Gwil’s cell, and sat excited. He couldn’t wait to tell Gwilym the good news. Joe couldn’t believe it, really. John Deacon wanted to meet  _ him _ . Not just him, of course, the others as well. But still, it would be grand to actually meet John Richard Deacon, bassist of Queen, born August 19th 1951. "Will he like me?" Was what Joe was thinking, nervously. What will he be like? Will he be very cold with me? What will he think of Rami. _Oh, god._ Joe actually could not imagine being John and meeting someone who played your (dead) best friend in a movie. It must be awful. Speaking of which, John Deacon must have seen the movie. Had he watched it alone or with someone else? Had he liked it? What did he think of Joe?    
“Hey, Joe? What’s up?”

Gwylim’s voice broke through Joe’s whirlwind of thoughts. 

“Oh, hey, Gwil. Um, why aren’t you on the group chat?”

“Oh, sorry about that. I lost my phone, and I was looking for it when you called. So, thanks by the way.”

“Uh, No problem. So, actually, I wanted to tell you something.”

“I assumed so. What is it?” Gwil asked, goodnaturedly.

“JohnDeaconwantstomeetus.” Joe blurted out at top speed.

“Sorry, Joe. Didn’t catch that?”

“John.Deacon.Wants.To.Meet.Us.”

Silence.

“Joe, if you’re pulling my leg…-”

“I’m not! Honest. Brian called me and told me.”

“Woah.”

“I know, right?”

“When exactly is this meeting gonna to take place?” Asked Gwil, still a little taken aback.

“I’m not quite sure, actually. He said it would probably be when I’m up there for my job. Rami’s usually knocking about with Lucy anyway, so I think it should all work out.”

“Yeah, that would work. I thought that John and the other two weren’t really on speaking terms anymore.”

“Well, apparently they are now. Brian said that he, Roger, and John had got together and talked, so I guess that’s good?” Joe offered.

“Yeah, I suppose so. Well, sorry to cut short, Joe, but I’ve got to get ready for dinner. Thanks for the heads up.”   
  


“Oh, yeah. No problem.”

“Oh, and Joe?”

“Yeah?”

“John wouldn’t want to meet you if he didn’t like you. You know that right? Don’t fret about it.”

Joe smiled.

“Thanks Gwil.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Joe ended the call and sighed. Gwil was probably right, but he still couldn’t shake that nagging worry.


End file.
